Back in the Habit

I remember when I was a child, I was terrified that the Lord would call me to be a nun. I wasn’t even Catholic but the thought of dressing in a habit and living tucked away in a convent for the rest of my life sent chills down my spine!  I would pray every night, “please God I will do what you want, but I don’t want to be a nun!”  But as I grew into an adult, living the responsibilities of a career and paying bills, I created for myself instead, the restrictions I feared the Lord would place on me.

I became so focused on what I had to achieve, how much money I wanted to make, what I wanted to buy, what people thought of my image, that I became in my own world a “none”

Social life- none

Consistent spiritual life- none

Financial management – none

Emotional stability (contentment)- none

Satisfaction with my physical health- none

In every area of my life, I was a “none” because of the habits I chose to dress myself in every day and as many jokes as I could make about the social end of my existence. None of it was funny.

I had lost sight of what was important, of who was important.  All the treasure I could store up, people I could impress and success I could achieve could not replace the fact, that I was empty without the leading of the Lord.  In the noise of my daily habits, I had lost the ability, and even the desire to listen for that still small voice, that gentle whisper that offered wisdom and direction.  I looked at myself in the mirror and soon discovered that instead of being dressed in the beauty of God’s glory I was dressed in the black habit of “me”.  My way of doing, my way of thinking, my way of speaking and I had nothing to show for it.

What I had missed as a child when observing nuns, I began to see as an adult, I only saw the outward appearance of the person, the clothing, their shapeless forms, their restrictions, I never got close enough to see that the habit they dressed in was  self sacrifice and deep love and commitment to God.

Seems to me, I picked the wrong habit…but one thing I learned through all of this listening and obeying God  is like finding a better outfit…its never too late to change!